Booyakashawtf?
by Cynlee
Summary: I'm not the only one not handling the newest incarnation of Ninja Turtles very well. Donatello isn't happy, either.


_Saw the new trailer for the newest Ninja Turtles toon… had to write something. Nickelodeon owns them now… but I'll always love my 4Kids 2k3 Turtles._

**Booyakasha...wtf?**

"NO! No no no no no no NO NO NO way no HOW no NOTHING!"

"My son, you need to calm yourself."

"NO, Sensei! This is the last straw! I can't sit by and let this happen!"

Don's anger carried him from one side of the lair to the other at a speed that most marathon runners would envy.

"I have my pride! I have my reputation to think of!"

"Don, listen to Sensei," Leo fruitlessly tried, but his brother backed him down with a glare that would have turned Medusa to stone.

"NO! I refuse! I have studied—STUDIED! I have prided myself on my scientific abilities! Most humans shun their kind when those who think differently are in their midst—until they freaking need something FIXED!"

"Don," Leo tried again, but the angry turtle would not pause.

"I've spent countless hours memorizing not only the pronunciation but spelling of words like orthoepy (study of correct pronunciation) and orthography (study of spelling)! I've stayed up until almost time for morning training to learn about palaeoanthropology (study of early humans), palaeobiology (study of fossil plants and animals), palaeoclimatology (study of ancient climates), paleoichthyology (study of ancient fish), palaeolimnology (study of ancient lakes) and palaeopedology (study of early soils)! And all while living in a freaking SEWER!"

Splinter once again began to have regrets that he'd ever found those old books like Van Nostrand's "Scientific Encyclopedia" and given them to his gifted son.

"I've studied until my brain bled such things as microanatomy (study of microscopic tissues), microbiology (study of microscopic organisms), microclimatology (study of local climates), micrology (study or discussion of trivialities), micropalaeontology (study of microscopic fossils) microphytology (study of very small plant life), and microscopy (study of minute objects) and all without a MICROSCOPE!"

"Wait," commented Mike to the others, "what was that thing he called a microscope?"

"Ya mean that old toilet paper tube with the magnifying lenses in both ends?" Raph helpfully replied with an evil glint in his eye aimed at his ranting brother. "I think he called it 'Leeyouwhenhoke' or somethin' just as weird."

But even this didn't distract the Turtle with the brain.

"I spent less time on training than I did on mineralogy (study of minerals), molinology (study of mills and milling)—"

"Ah yes, our 'fresh bread' period", mused Splinter.

"—momilogy (study of mummies)"

"That was FUN!" Mike reminisced, "Though we did get into a lot of trouble using up all the toilet paper."

"—morphology (study of forms and the development of structures), muscology (the study of mosses), museology (the study of museums), musicology (study of music), mycology (study of funguses), myology (study of muscles), myrmecology (study of ants), mythology (study of myths; fables; tales), naology (study of church or temple architecture), and freaking nasology (study of the nose)!"

"Yeah, that last one was really a waste of time, Don," Raph replied. "It didn't help Leo one little bit with that snorin' problem of his."

"Go ahead! Go ahead!" he suddenly prodded Raph with a finger. "Make fun—NO, better than that—ask me about futurology (study of future), garbology (study of garbage), gastroenterology (study of stomach; intestines) and gastronomy (study of fine dining)! ASK ME!"

Mike started to laugh as the many jokes (involving Leo's cooking) came to mind, but the combined glares of his father, said older brother, and currently ranting sibling kept the jokes from being spoken aloud.

Don continued listing the vast extent of his vocabulary.

"Labeorphily (collection and study of beer bottle labels for cripes sake!), larithmics (study of population statistics though why I bothered I don't know!), laryngology (study of larynx), lepidopterology (study of freaking butterflies and moths but only because they freak Raph out!), leprology (study of leprosy and NO Mike, for the last time, it's not about turning into a LEOPARD!), lexicology (study of words and their meanings), lexigraphy (art of definition of words), lichenology (study of lichens), limacology (study of slugs, Mike, NOT LIMES!), limnobiology (study of freshwater ecosystems) and lithology (study of rocks which is what your head is full of Raphael!)"

"Raphael—NO!" Commanded Splinter before he could attack. Then he turned back to his angry son.

"Donatello, it is not the end of the world-"

Don turned pained eyes upon his Master and Father.

"Sensei—I've put up with 'Cowabunga', 'Go Green Machine', 'Turtle Power', and freaking 'IT'S NINJA TIME!' But there is NO way in hell that I would ever ever ever EVER say 'BOOYAKASHA!' I wouldn't, Sensei! I wouldn't!"

And he stormed off, out of the lair and into the night, hell-bent on letting his inner-Raph take full control of the situation.

With a nod towards the door, Splinter gave Raphael the signal to shadow his brother, knowing that the other two were not uniquely suited to dealing with such anger. Leonardo would be given to lecturing about Fate and Acceptance, while Michelangelo would give free reign to all the pent-up humor that he'd gotten from the g section of Donatello's list.

"I can't believe how upset he is over one little word," Mike mused as Splinter headed to the kitchen (and the cupboard where the sake was kept). "I mean, seriously, Leo—what's wrong with 'Booyakasha'? I mean, apart from how it sounds weird when he says it."

Leo just shook his head.

"Mike, it sounds weird when anyone says it."


End file.
